Quarter Year

New Site

2008-12-05T20:11:00.001-08:00

We're now blogging at http://quarteryear.wordpress.com
Our food blog is at http://thechickenwall.wordpress.com

See you there!

Mike & Azure

A quick shout out!

2008-11-05T20:42:00.000-08:00

I want to give a shout out to California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, (almost Missouri and Montana), Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, and Wisconsin for making me proud to be an American again. When we travel, we represent the United States of America and also we are represented by it. The people we elect to represent us and the policies that our government makes can't help but make an impact on the way people see us as individuals. The administration of the last eight years has fought, forgotten, vilified and alienated so many people that it made me ashamed to be from and to represent this country.

On Tuesday, with the election of Barack Hussein Obama, the feelings of frustration and at times anger over that last eight years were finally vindicated and as I wake up today and look back at that time, I understand what we had to go through to get to where we are today and I would not change a single moment of it for the joy and pride I feel today. It has yet to be seen what the full impact of the Bush Administration will have on this country and on the world, but if the only positive thing that he has done for all of us is to unite a country to vote for a man despite his race, his name, and his political party, then that is something I can be grateful for.

I can understand how monumental this election was for so many black people in this country and around the world. I know in my heart that it will change the way they look at their country and at themselves and that President Obama's education, knowledge, understanding, and acceptance will inspire so many others of all races to follow in his footsteps. But for me, this election was about something even bigger than race, it was about hope beating fear.

During this election and since 9/11 I have felt like a traitor to my country, or more accurately, my country has made me feel like a traitor for not believing that the world is a bad place, for not believing that people have bad intentions and for not living in fear. I must admit that I too was afraid, but for me the fear was of those in my own country. I couldn't help but wonder if the citizens of America were on a runaway train towards world war, where all of the passengers were under the spell of some crazy group think that led us to believe that everyone was out to get us and there was no way to fight back, but with weapons and hate. I felt isolated and helpless against what I thought to be the status quo, and padded my existence with the select few who I believed shared my sentiment. Among us, there was a collective feeling that our government did not understand us, nor did they want to. In fact the only thing that I felt our government cared about was keeping me afraid and isolated from those they deemed enemies, so that they could exert power over the people and eventually whittle down our rights to those of an Orson Welles novel. That was my fear.

The truth that I see in this world and truth that I believe Barack Obama sees as well is that people are generally good. We all want the same things -- to love and be loved, to be understood and cared about, to have our basic needs and those of our loved ones met. People want world peace and the right to live and let live and if these needs are met, we can achieve understanding and peace. No matter how many times people tell me otherwise, I will not waver in my belief of these truths. I can talk about the times when I have allowed fear to enter my mind (going to Brazil, Thailand, Colombia), but I know down deep that the only regret I would ever have is not acting in spite of that fear. I know that for many in this country, electing Barack Obama is a fear that has been realized, but I also know that some people went to the polls and acted in spite of that fear. For them, I am the most proud.

I listened to both speeches last night, as did much of the world and as I listened to John McCain's well delivered and very respectable speech, I thought about his campaign and how things might have been different for him if he had run his campaign the way he gave that speech. But just as I was starting to like the guy, he said one line that reinforced beyond a doubt that we had picked the right man to lead us. McCain simply asked all Americans, among other things, to "defend our security in a dangerous world" and I knew that we were not talking about the same world. My world and the world that we elected to believe in is one of hope and promise and is not so dangerous, but misunderstood and frustrated and it too looks forward to a brighter tomorrow.

Mike and I recently finished the series "John Adams" (in case you haven't seen it, it's really awesome). It shows how we came to exist as an independent country. How the people who built this country did so with compassion and intellect and the idea that everyone should have the chance to live however they want and to say whatever they feel. For a long time now, I have been feeling like the best thing our country ever did was be the best at marketing. We made a name for ourselves for being "the land of the free and the home of the brave" and for having all the opportunities one could ever dream of. In recent years, the devotion to the core beliefs of our nation have been put in jeopardy with the decline in voter turnout and the overall apathy that the average American has towards knowing and exercising their rights. It made me feel like we were disgracing the memory of the people who fought so hard for us and our rights. And it made me feel bad for all the people who look to the united states as a land of opportunity only to see that maybe the opportunities are only available to a few. I suppose I have always known that those feelings are unjustified, that when we go abroad, we can see all the ways that America has made us who we are--strong, ingenious, resilient and confident that we can achieve anything we set our minds to. But with the election of Barack Obama, we have shown ourselves and the world that we are still this nation of hope, opportunity and promise.

Some people say and will say that nothing has changed, no policies made, no economic recovery in our immediate future, but I have seen and felt the change. It is tangible. We voted a man with the middle name of Hussein to be our next president when we are engaged in a fear-driven war against the middle east. For us to join together on the basis of hope is the accomplishment in itself. The rest will fall in to place.

Most of all I am happy to have seen this day. I am so proud to be an American, I'm proud to have voted for something that means so much to all of us, I'm proud to have danced and sang with my fellow Americans on the street and I'm proud when I see the faces of people around the world who now have hope that the United States will no longer be a bunch of assholes getting all up in their shit. Nov. 4, 2008 is one of the top 5 best days of my life and I am not ashamed to say so. For the first time in a long time, I am not embarrassed to express my hope for the United States because I know that my president shares my hope. I believe that this country and this world is a great place and one that I am proud to be a part of. And for now, while we wait to see what happens next, I am content being patient and happy and proud for all of us.

O-BA-MA

2008-11-05T18:50:00.000-08:00

After the Democrat party at the Westin, we stood on the corner and hooted while others honked. When we drove up to Capitol Hill, Mike honked the whole way and we hooted. Then we partied in the street.

Here is one of many high fives given on Tuesday night.

Mike found this quote in The Onion, I thought it was funny..."Carrying a majority of the popular vote, Obama did especially well among women and young voters, who polls showed were particularly sensitive to the current climate of everything being fucked. Another contributing factor to Obama's victory, political experts said, may have been the growing number of Americans who, faced with the complete collapse of their country, were at last able to abandon their preconceptions and cast their vote for a progressive African-American.

Citizens with eyes, ears, and the ability to wake up and realize what truly matters in the end are also believed to have played a crucial role in Tuesday's election."

I love this quote from Jay-Z..."Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so our children could fly"

Everyone gets a picture with Barack.

There always has to be one of me looking a little haggard while still keeping the outfit looking crisp, clean and white.

Thoughts about last night

2008-11-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

Every time I saw a black person I wanted to say something to them like, "I hope this starts to make up for the past" or "Thank you for doing this for us" (because, as my dad said, "If Obama wins, African Americans will be the heroes of this election"). But I didn't say anything like that, I just screamed loudly for hours. There was one Af-Am guy who talked emotionally about his 104-year-old aunt who voted for the first time in her life. He hugged his boyfriend and I saw that the odds were stacked further against him. But we're getting there.

This election, for a night, cut the albatross of subtle racism from our necks. Last night I saw that I have a long way to get over my subconscious racism, but I also saw what we're capable of doing in spite of it, that we can exile the worst parts of us.

At 1am, I saw a lonely black homeless guy and I wondered what this election meant to him. Does he feel bouyed? Does he feel included? Does he feel his life will change (if he so desires) now that a black man is president?

As for us, we danced among thousands of chanting, singing, screaming, flag-waving, shofar-blowing, random-stranger-hugging, kissing, patriotic, BEAMING people at Pike and Broadway. Beaming people. That's something I'll remember about last night - uncontrolable smiles. The ecstasy (actually properly used here) of the immediate victory lasted hours and hours and hours as groups of people broke out spontaneously into celebratory howls that moved through the crowd like cloud to cloud lightening and didn't flicker out as long as we were there. When we hugged, the sentiment we exchanged was, "Congratulations." The Star Spangled Banner was sung a number of times, chants of USA!, Yes We Can, O-Ba-Ma as well, also, "Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye" to Bush, though I didn't like the negativity of that one.

We honked all night, we watched the acceptance speech at the Westin with the Democrats, tears rolling down all different colored and different shaped faces. Someone passed me a much-needed bottle of water and I took a huge swig - and it turned out to be gin, which didn't quite quench my thirst. Az asked if I was crying because of the gin or the election. "Both." I will never forget last night. We can finally go abroad and be proud to be American.

And Azure and I from video we shot last night:
M: "What have you got there?"
A: "Pringles."
M: "Oh Pringles!"
A: "Kenny bought them for me because I Can."

National Anthem in Seattle

2008-11-05T07:47:00.000-08:00

Cassie and Shay

2008-10-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

Upside Down Trees and Powerlines

2008-10-17T00:45:00.001-07:00

Kauai was a business trip.

2008-09-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

If we saw a souvenir shop selling Koa we'd stop so Dick, Azure's dad, could try to pick up an account. He's a woodworker for a living, making these gorgeous jewelry boxes that often incorporate Koa, a wood native to Hawaii.

At one particular place a buzz saw buzzed and we walked around the corner to find the woodworker straightening up. His boombox blasted opera, which immediately affected the class of the place, while pictures of hot 80s women in bathing suits held up the walls, which immediately affected the class of the place. It was heaven. It was, at the time we arrived, my favorite place we'd been on the short trip. The shop itself was vast but nook-and-crannied by lumber and heavy machinery, with an old set of dusty drums stashed in a corner self-consciously. The dude was cool, all business all pleasure, and his shop was lush with personality as the jungles outside.

The DeMeule's website: Wood Design by DeMeules.

Kauai Vines

2008-09-28T11:54:00.001-07:00

Kauai Morning

2008-09-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

At 6am I followed the path out of the condo complex and asked directions to the beach. The dude told me it was too far to walk. I walked to the Hyatt and out to the beach to watch the sunrise. There must have been 30 people all doing the exact same thing - spiritually, purposefully, and they'll go back to work Monday to put a Kauai sunrise on their desks.

For my desk at my office

This area is Disneylandy, it's hard to escape. (Two real advertisements: 1) "Nature's Disneyland" 2) "Guaranteed Dolphins!") It's this ugly parody of itself, luaus and whatever. They're the things that made Hawaiian culture unique and whites adopted the practices innocently, as ex-pats do in countries around the world, then the original practitioners were shoved aside and now we have luaus and flowered shirts and mai tais as gestures to escape, not to the sanctity of a particular home.

It was hard to walk the beach and not let my anger rise with the sun, but I managed. I see what this trip is and how little potential it has for depth in only 3 days and I'm thankful for what I'm getting.

I forget how lucky I am to see the top of a cloud. Geographically, this is distinct from Polynesia and the land farthest from any continent on earth, and yet I'm here painlessly, watching Azure sleep.

Lake Tapps, Washington

2008-07-06T14:44:00.001-07:00

More photos here.

Flashback...

2008-06-28T21:13:00.001-07:00

Sunset too cold to swim, Bariloche, Argentina, originally uploaded by Michael Joseph Goldst... etc.

Quarteryear
The water is so clear. When I look out at the blue part of the lake it looks blue in a way that isn´t on a color spectrum, but has got to be described as a depth, like 100 feet blue or something. I remember seeing this effect on a ferry in the Mediterranean, looking down and not being able to understand it as a color, only as a depth.

Last night we went down to the shore and stood at a parking lot where a bunch of RVs were parked - a bunch of brilliant people who woke up this morning and saw 360 degrees of mountains and 180 of that blue water when they first opened their eyes. We stood there - last night - with the wind tearing across the lake and throwing the icewater into the air. It was 10:30 but still light because we´re south and west in the timezone. It was so clear last night, the air is so clean.

We want to go swimming, but our feet ache when we stand in the water for more than 10 seconds because it´s so cold. We´re trying to take pictures of the mountains, but of course we can´t do them justice. Every corner we turn we´re reminded of the best places we´ve been - Seattle, Tahoe, Northern Italy, etc. We´re freshwater fish, I guess.

Bariloche, Argentina

A shot from Lake Tapps

2008-06-24T23:41:00.001-07:00

Traveling Friends

2008-06-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

We've got a few friends on the road right now: Ben is in Thailand and slated to return on Friday, Autsy and Jade are in Barcelona, Laura Guyman is also in Spain and Nicole is in Morocco. Nicole started a new blog for the Mansh girls.

For all who are traveling: enjoy!

When I was traveling this year, there was one thing that kept luring me home, one image I couldn't shake from my head...

Another fave.

2008-04-26T00:59:00.000-07:00

Attention hog

2008-04-13T17:02:00.000-07:00

This is the picture I was talking about - the one where people smiled.

The Bride.

2008-04-12T12:22:00.000-07:00

The bride, anxious before the ceremony.

I'm getting all the photos organized from the wedding I helped Kim & Adam with. After looking at all the pictures, I realized I definitely shot with bias - looking for people who were sincere, unguarded, people that seemed to be responsive to the weight of the event. This unfortunately means my favorites happen to be not-happy looking pictures (and I do hate smiles) so be warned. I think there was a smile in one of them, though.

You have seen me around town (aka Enzo's Birthday)

2008-04-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

On our last night in Siracusa, we decided to head to the island of Ortiga for drinks. We had been eating at this place on the mainland, but decided three nights in a row was a little excessive. We walked up past the duomo and out to the waterfront and found a busy restaurant among all of the deserted ones. We sat down for a glass of wine and started talking. They gave us peanuts and crackers, but nothing like the spread we found in Siena (see chicken wall in about a week). As we sipped and talked, the people began to finish and move on. By the end of the second glass it was a pretty sparse crowd, but some guys were setting up to play music. At the start of our third glass, we were one of only two groups in the whole place. The other group was a father and son, the kid was probably 8 and was being forced to quit running all around and eat some food. We decided that we really couldn't let these dudes just sing to a completely empty restaurant, so we decided to stay while they played. Another reason that was thrown around was that maybe the owners would try to lure us with some free shrimp in order to get their only customers to stay.

So the dudes played and played, one was on a sax and the other on his laptop, but he would occasionally sing too. We were literally the only ones outside listening to them for a good 30 minutes or so before a group quietly came and sat in the back. Also, men had been coming and going for a while, but we didn't see them, since they had been going inside. At the end of the third glass of wine, they finally brought us an little plate of mixed meats, cheeses, olives and artichokes. We were seeing a little headway, but no shrimp yet. Maybe if we played with the kid or cheered for the musicians.

Then we got something that we totally didn't need, a bottle of wine from one of the guys inside named Peppe. Along with it came a note and since I am quite conceited, I will assume that when Peppe writes, 'Hello I am Peppe, I would like to know you, may I offer you and your friend a drink?' that I am the You and mom is the friend. I went in to thank Peppe and to ask him to come talk to us, but when he said he spoke 'un poco' english he really meant it, like in the way that I speak 'un poco' italiano, which is -can I have a room or where is the bathroom. The conversation went no where which was alright, since it was a little weird.

Around this time, his friend came out who did speak english and said 'you have seen me around town.' I don't know how other people would respond to this statement, but I just sat there in silence for a few seconds. I did not want to insult him, but no, we hadn't seen him around and he must either be extremely conceited himself or mistaking us for another blond mother daughter troop that was also in Siracusa. I ended up not answering before he pulled out his election flyer. All around Italy, the streets are littered with these election handouts of the candidates and their faces and the bus stops are plastered with giant, though somewhat creepy pictures of the political hopefuls. Ah, so he was running for local office! For those Redmondites, the Rosemary Ives of Siracusa -- Although he has yet to be elected.

We chatted for about five minutes before being asked to join in Enzo's birthday party, which meant going over and sitting near the now large group at the back and singing to this guy Enzo. Then we ate cake with Enzo and his friends before the group retired to hours and hours of karaoke. We hung out and Francesco (the political hopeful) would fill us in on things, like that Enzo LOVED to sing, which was why the 'band' was brought in. We endured a few hours of great karaoke performences by our new friends which included many english songs that sounded like someone had forgotten the words and was just humming. We drank and snacked and ended up walking back to the room around 2:30. Fun times. Felice Cumpleanos, Enzo!

Happy Birthday

2008-04-02T02:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my birthday and I was lucky enough to spend it in Sicily with my mom. It was raining a little when we woke p in Palermo on the northern coast of Sicily. The city was huge and overwhelming and since we only have a week left here and not wanting to spend all of our time figuring out the city and what to do amongst the grit and traffic, we decided to head south to Siracuse. It was great, about a 6 hour ride with a stop over in Catania. It rained hard all day, so the train was nice and warm, like being inside with a fire on a stormy day. Actually I couldn't have asked for a better day. I got to sit and watch the land go by. The island is very hilly and full of fields and abandoned settlements. the history here is more like Greece than northern Italy. The ruins date back to the 1st and 2nd centuries.

When we got in to siracuse it was around dusk and still pouring. We don't actually have a guidebook for Sicily, so our trip here has been based on a book of festivals, which was for 2007 and a beautiful (also free) hadout of coastal towns. We had spent some time in the book store translating some of lonely planet and writing down the addresses of place to stay. So, we headed out in the rain to find an internet cafe to check a map (a lot of the places in Sicily don't have info near the train station). There were pools of water in the street, so we got the cliched spray from the car and got completely soaked. After finding it on the map, we headed out in the direction that the people at the cafe had told us. We were bundled up in our scarves, soaking wet and just hoping they had rooms. We chatted about it having a tv and our own bathroom (such a luxury), but didn't actually believe that it would, but it did!!! The room is nice, it is right across the bridge to the island of old Siracuse, so it is great location and everything we need.

We got dry and set out for my birthday dinner. We were both excited for a good dinner of pasta and wine at a place called La Spiega (also our favorite place in Seattle), but it appeared many of the restaurants were closed, so we were forced to go to the equivelant of Red Robin. There was a big soccer match on, so the place was actually pretty full. Mom had a bacon cheeseburger and I had a veggie burger, which turned out to be really good. It was a falafel patty with fixings for a burger. All in all a good night.

Siracuse is really beautiful. It is a bright blue day today and we will walk to the ruins and probably end up spending 3 nights here. It is manageable and on the sea and close to some of the side trips we want to take. We'll try again for our big italian meal tonight, but even sitting there in front of the huge poster of Newport Beach, CA (which was taken about 6 blocks from my uncle and aunt's house) I had a very happy birthday. I feel so lucky to be here and lucky to be able to spend this time with my mom no matter where we end up.

Trust

2008-03-31T01:00:00.000-07:00

I don't have travelling experiences like this very often. Not since my friend Darren and I arrived in Paris for the first time in 2000 have I thought to myself, what am I doing here, what made me think I could just do this!?! My mom and I were totally unprepared for Sicily. We booked our tickets from the comfort of our home and gave little thought to that portion of the trip other than getting on the plane.

Tuscany was planned and easy, 2 nights in Venice, 3 in Florence, a night in Lucca and 3 on the road in hill towns around the region. All extremely beautiful and all totally easy. You can look up the street and expect that most people speak some or are fluent in english. There are tourists everywhere, you can't go anywhere without seeing others like you, which isn't a big deal, but it is easy, the road is paved. We had out guidebook and we were set.

Sicily- we arrived at 7am from Pisa on a flight that required us to be at the airport at 4am. Trying to be creative about our budget and realizing that we usually don't end up going to bed before midnight anyway, we decided to wait in the train station for 4 hours before our flight. Needless to say, we were dirty, hadn't washed our clothes in weeks and probably smelled like the homeless people we ended up hanging with all night.

The airport in Trapani was small and it was a Saturday. we got off the plane and confidently walked out to catch the bus. Elsewhere, Ryanair had provided easy transportation door to door to a place of interest, but this was not the case here. At this airport there was no information booth and no bus. We walked out and quickly realized that people were getting picked up by friends and family and everyone was leaving and going somewhere. It was at this point that I felt it, that we could possiblly be the only people in the whole place who were tourists, who needed to take a bus and no one spoke english. I kept checking the bus schedule, but it was different on Saturdays and someone had warned us that sometiems the busses just don't come in Sicily. A woman finally appeared and said she needed to take the bus. The thing is, in situations like this all you can do is trust people- trust that the woman knows what she is talking about, trust that the next bus, if not this bus will come for you and more importantly, trust yourself that what you are understanding from your 1 weeks worth of italian is giving you the correct information. The bus finally came!

All four of us got on, mom and I, the woman who was waiting with us and one other lady plus the driver. The driver was really charismatic and though he treated us like circus animals (Americans in Trapani? Why? What are you doing here?), he was very helpful. We told us where to go and even took us on the bus to a hotel he had reccommended in the city center (probably why the busses are never on time). He called his friend who spoke a very little english and picked him up to translate a little more for us. The hotel was great, right in the center of town, right where everyone strolled at night. He reccommended a place to eat that we went to and loved and we made it to the ruins at Erice that he had told us about. Had we not gotten on that particular bus, we would have never had the experiences that we did in Trapani.

When we first got in, we went right to bed for 5 hours, woke up around 5pm and went for a walk all raround the city. We strolled with the crowds and tried to go to the restaurant, but it was full that night. we decided to order out pizza from this place that looked like a mob scene and spent 10 minutes getting up the courage to go inside with al those people who did know what they were doing, another 30 minutes waiting inside to get to the counter, and then 15 minutes waiting to be acknowledged when at the counter. After that another hour for the pizza to be done. I was scared to speak talian in such a large crowd of people, but my mom made me and I'm glad she did, it was good pizza. Sicilian style of course, we got proscuito and parmasean and took it back to our room and ate it while we watched Home alone in italian and went to sleep.

The next day was a Sunday, the most difficult of the days to travel on. Most things were closed and after finding our way to the station, realized that perhaps the bus didn't run. However, we recalled one of the train conductors saying something abot a feniculare and a 3K walk. We headed out of town toward something we thought we heard, passing all the people with their families coming out of church. 3K later, we found it, a large ski lift that went to the top of the hill, Erice! In the lift, we gave ample high fives and headed to the top. It was sunny and clear. teh town was beautiful, old and tricky. We found a bus back and made it to the reccomended restaurant that night for some local pasta. MMMMMMMMMMM Sicily.

Assailed by Buddhists!

2008-03-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to start this post by describing people who live in Kirkland, but my vocabulary's not adequate so I'll assume you know about them. They're ridic, in short.

Nicole and I did hot yoga there today and I noticed that the brand of yoga I practice in Seattle is by no means the most yuppie yoga - it's way to the Chrysler side of Kirkland on the Yuppie Spectrum - and driving home in the snow we talked about whether it's a good thing that a philosophy/practice like this is being employed kinda emptily in a materialistic place. The answer was emphatically yes (I mean, YES!): Peace infiltrating mainstream culture is basically good, right? And more generally, I'd rather have an introspective Kirkland than, you know, whatever the opposite is. Cosmetic laser hair removing, for example.

With this Buddhism thing I've gotten squeezed from both sides and in the middle I'm trying to sort out the content. The individuals I met conjured the classic line of "Lord, please protect me from your followers," except there's no lord here. So it's something more like, "Basic Essence of the All Things, please protect me from the forms you might take." It's less funny.

I got this idea somewhere that practicing Buddhism gave you the same qualities of the religion, but I'm reminded that's not the case - that for as high quality as the philosophy sounds, it seems to clothe some angry naked people. A long time ago, in regards to Christianity and Judaism and Islam, I separated the spiritual message from the actual person, just like when traveling you have remember that an American is not his government (please, world, remember that). But I never made that separation for Buddhism because it's not an organized religion. I assumed that someone who practices Buddhism is into self-improvement just because they'd heard of Buddhism. But there's patience and there's Patience. There's acting serene and there's serenity, and the difference is whether the value is being cultivated or imposed. IMO LOL BRB.

What it comes down to is that if you take any collection of people, a lot of them are probably messed in the head somehow: guilt-ridden or angry or - the worst - self-righteous. And that goes for everyone from the Nazis to the Buddhists. Whether they're true Nazis or Buddhists is for someone else to decide. (actually, I'll be deciding that later, too).

To complete the squeeze, yesterday on The Conversation the topic was, "Religion: has it been good or bad for mankind?" Holy shit. I was expecting some real crackpots to participate but the callers were actually impressive and articulate. One idea stood out to me - that an organization puts its own survival above everything, and when it comes up against its individual members' best interests (in this case, personal spirituality), something has to give. This seems to be the strength of Buddhism, that it's so loosely organized, decentralized. But when I decided to leave the retreat they asked me a number of times to not start packing until everyone was in meditation... even though that would be 2 hours later. I waited, of course.

Lost in all this crap is the content of the whole thing, and I realize I have to keep an open mind to it because - as I said - a lot of people I know and love have gotten a lot out of it. But man, it's a lot of crap to wade through.

Backwards

2008-03-29T15:27:00.001-07:00

"The battle at Ingraham (High School in Seattle) is the latest fight over construction that includes the felling of dozens of big trees, an act that seemingly runs counter to city and state goals to increase tree cover for its environmental, economic and health benefits.

"'Trees are important, but the code and the policies have to be balanced with private property,' said Scott Kemp, a planner with the city's Department of Planning and Development."
[PI]

I'm Youtubing!

2008-03-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Now we can start posting some of the videos we took on the trip. This one is from the Recoleta market.

My shot at the big time!

2008-03-26T23:15:00.000-07:00

When a rabbi yells at everyone to "Shut up!" everyone shuts up, or at least they should, in my opinion. And yesterday everyone did shut up when he yelled. He slammed his hand on the table and I flinched. "Show some respect!" The groom, sitting next to the rabbi at the long table, started again reading his prayer in Hebrew so quietly that I doubt anyone would have heard him even if it had been silent. There was such a crowd. Orthodox Jewish men - complete with black hats and long beards - packed the room, each trying to gather his own glance of the show: This young man who was about to marry the rabbi's daughter, who was he? Who was this kid claiming the absolutely stunning young bride, the bride with the smile that wrings adrenaline from your chest and who - I swear to god - could move objects with her eyes, if not set them on fire or make them explode. Who was going to lay in bed with her tonight?

But nevermind her, I suppose. She was in another room and I was among the men, close and listening, and I squeezed between them all to kneel in the cramped space not four feet from the groom exhaling his prayer. He rocked back and forth with the words. His eyes were open wide, looking past the book and past the table, almost directly at me, but past me and through the ground. I was a ghost again yesterday, like I went back to the retreat because I had forgotten something and returned invisible, able to stagger through these intimidating Jewish men without raising scrutiny, steeling myself between the onlookers and the main show. When the prayer ended we listened, breaths held, to the rabbi say some words. And finally, with his punctuation, the whole room launched into cheers, laughter, singing, clapping and dancing, circles and shouts and many hugs and handshakes. In between hugs and handshakes the groom beamed and poured a shot of vodka for a new relative. I was there with the camera, and I snapped away.

When Azure's cousins told me they were shooting an Orthodox Jewish wedding I begged them to let me be an assistant - I'd hold the flash or hold their equipment or move crap around or whatever... I knew there was a lot to do and I didn't mind the work, I just had to be there, I had to see this. How often does an orthodox rabbi's daughter get married? And besides, I'm still supposed to be at the meditation retreat, so anything I get to do is frosting. But as much as I insisted I be a water boy, they actually gave me a camera and told me to do my thing freely; They say they love my travel photos and so I brought those eyes to this event as well. Plus, the more pictures the better. They're in a business where they might take - literally - 3,000 photos a day because in a few weeks they'll have to present the cream of the crop as the new family heirloom, and it'd better be good. So the more the better.

I gave myself the job of catching things that were either behind the photographers (like older kids taking care of babies, or jealous sisters waiting jealously) or maybe I'd try capturing the scene as a whole. I liked this idea, so sometimes I wedged myself in a corner to take wide-angle shots of whatever chaos was going on. They told me the ceremony would be outside under a chuppa in this long, narrow corridor that led to the synagogue, so there was probably no way I'd get close enough to see the wine glass break or the bride unveiled. Even the guests wouldn't see much of the show (with the exception of the immediate family at the very front), so I had this vision that I'd work with what I had and maybe I'd stand way way far away, like across the street and up a block, and see if I could get an enormous wide-angle of the entire congregation huddled together against the walls of the synagogue with mountains and clouds in the background, maybe evergreens, maybe a couple eagles soaring as well. But it turns out the angles weren't right, the eagles weren't there.

So I scouted the corridor and found a solid option number two - around a corner was a chain-link fence that ended at a wall. I climbed the fence and stood on top of the railing then grabbed hold of the roof and pulled myself up. I dusted off my suit and walked back along the roofline to find I was looking down perfectly on the ceremony and the families and the rest of the crowd as it poured toward the center. I had the eagle's eye view. I could actually walk the whole length of the action unimpeded, ghostily, with a unique angle. I was so proud of my photography skills!

The chuppa obscured some of the scene, but I took some beautiful pictures: him, with his hands hanging down to either side of his black suit, next to her, with her hands clasped under the veil's long tail; I got a picture of Mom holding back the bride's veil for a sip of wine; and I got a picture of the groom's foot as it rises to break a glass while his wife's feet peak out from under her dress. It was fucking fantastic up there. I love being on roofs.

We met the families earlier during portraits. The groom's family was small, but the dad was this commanding dude with this huge beard (and belly to match) and he talked like he was speaking English in Hebrew. It didn't matter whether you understood him, you'd better answer the question. They were from somewhere on the East Coast - I think he was a rabbi too - and there was no mother, no mention of the mother. The groom was good looking, he had that compelling look of lively young eyes behind a long beard and hat brim and he was personable, smiling a lot, but following Dad's lead. After we did portraits of their family, they filed out and the bride's enormous family piled in.

But while I was in the back looking for something I peaked into the sanctuary - it was empty and dark except some natural light drifting down onto the alter. The groom was sitting there, alone, praying. I asked if I could take a picture and he said I could and my heart was totally racing as I set up. I wasn't really confident using Kim's camera but I fired off a couple shots. I hope they turned out. I was so nervous.

We didn't get to see much of the bride, but she was stunning... have I said that? I know brides are supposed to be the most beautiful people at the wedding, but I'm pretty sure she was the most beautiful person in the state, with Azure being in Italy right now. Her presence overwhelmed the scenes - the enormous family portraits were so clearly about her I can't imagine a jealous sister's wedding. But like I said, I didn't see much of her - the men and women were separated for most of the event.

I loved being around a big Jewish family again - it reminded me of my East Coast family community that's self-aware, self-contained, complete and whole. Other American communities seem to bleed into each other and let the edges blur. With the Jewish community, though - and I've noticed this at other events - it feels sufficient. Like the family and community are enough. The roles are set and known and expected, there's history and tradition and for the entire population there is a home no matter where they go. It feels circular, if that makes any sense.

Notes from my journal

2008-03-23T19:31:00.000-07:00

There was one really strange dude I talked to before the vow of silence - he was in the middle of a "career change," as he put it, having formerly been a grounds' keeper at a golf course but was now getting into gold prospecting (obviously), going from claim to claim in Washington looking for the gold. After the retreat he's going to head to Oregon for some claims there, then down to California to check out a new meditation center, and to look for gold in 49er country. He talked about a guy he met who had $200,000 in gold stashed in his basement but would bring it out every once in a while to show his friends. I was uncomfortable with the conversation and changed the subject. When he smiled there was serious black in between his teeth and he said he's addicted to coffee and when he comes to these retreats he can feel himself going through withdrawal, though there is coffee available. He'd also been addicted to alcohol for 25 years and it ruined his marriage, the meditation helped him out of alcoholism and the reconciled, though they didn't re-up. When I'd ask him a question, he'd think for about 3 seconds looking at me in the eyes, look down and think about it, then look back up and answer looking at me in the eyes again. It made me wonder how far his mind was from his body.

I found faultiness in my wiring too - for example, this sentence I'm writing right now I've probably said in my mind 30 times in slightly different ways with different emphasis. When I think a situation is interesting or worth recording I narrate EVERYTHING for my journal or other writing in my head... I think it makes me a good writer, refining constantly, but it also drives me nuts when, for example, I'm not allowed to write or talk to anyone for 10 days - the words just sit there bouncing back and forth, running like looped tape until I can finally let them spill out (in writing, usually) and then my head is empty and ready for new stimulus. The meditation was good because it not only showed me that I had this chatter going on, but I could also quiet it pretty easily if I need to.

I realized I'm much more interested in the outside (of my body) world than the inner journey - the disembodied head said that we shouldn't meditate outside because a breeze might obscure our breath. The times I was most affected, though, were when I was walking outside, early dawn and late dusk. At 4:30am on the first day I remember walking outside and just being in awe of these evergreens that dominate one side of the grounds, there's a little bench under one tree and some light rain was coming down, the sky just starting to fade from black to deep navy blue... it was GORGEOUS and we weren't supposed to meditate there. I mean, maybe we'd build up to it 8 days later, but I don't know.

I thought a lot of the other people were odd, but I was the one who ended up spending a lot of time standing, looking at those six trees lined up beautifully, towering at the end of the field, sucking in the rain. I stood there and blurred my eyes a little, looked through them and when I did that I could see each of them was moving very subtly, waving or twisting or bouncing, each one moving different from the others, but all six clearly alive and enjoying the rain. I turned my back to them and looked at the Center, the grounds where students were allowed to walk and the figures wandering, ghosts, wandering in circles. The place looked like a mix between a mental institution and a retirement home. Sometimes it felt like a prison - the full day I spent there was the longest day of my life. There was nothing to do but meditate and nap. I napped four times that day. FOUR! And it wasn't that the seconds were dragging on - I had nothing to look forward to, so I wasn't waiting for anything. The forever thing was in looking back - I couldn't distinguish 5am from 9am from 11am from 3pm... it all blurred together, but there was a lot if it (try focusing intensely on your breath and not being aware of anything else) and it was all in one day.

I had a number of different songs stuck in my head, most troublingly the Beyonce song, "Ooh boy you lookin like you like what you see, won't you come over and check up on it, I'm a let you work up on it, ladies let him check up on it, watch him while he check up on it, dip it pop it work it stop it check on me tonight" which must have played on a loop 300 times in my head and made me appreciate the emphasis on quieting the mind. I mean, I like the song, but once or twice at the most. Christ.

I was worried about talking in my sleep but I didn't, I'm pretty sure. I just snored some. The guy next to me did talk in his sleep, though, but it's amazing what you can let other people do when you couldn't possibly be responsible for their well-being - we just let him talk. It was his deal. There was a guy putting on his shoes and he stepped in them wrong, both feet at the same time somehow, and fell over right in front of me. I darted past him to put my shoes on while he thrashed around under a chair. I walked out the door without even smiling.

One guy did say something to me once, right as I was leaving. I knocked on the door for the manager and a guy who was meditating turned to me and said, "I think he's outside." I was totally stunned. It was the only time I saw the silence broken, the only time anyone even acknowledged me. It's really strange, of course, to be among these people and even if there's eye contact, you assume it's accidental. I didn't want that to be normalized to me regardless of how long I was there. There were probably 20 guys there and if 18 showed up on my front porch today I wouldn't recognize them.

It really was like the Dharma Initiative on Lost - the same furniture, equality and utilitarianism, complete with the leader girl who was creepy-cute, like they took an attractive girl and shoved monkey eyes in her head. The creepy-cute leader dude looked JUST like our alcoholic neighbor Scott, but acted JUST like my favorite elementary school teacher, Mr. Harris. Thinking about him I realized I'd been passed off from good male role model to good male role model throughout my school years - Mr. Harris to Mr. Orlando to BK (and of course my dad the whole way through as well). It made me feel lucky.